Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Distance and Discipline


    Distance relationships are inherently tough. A bit of an understatement if I say so myself. How does one comfort a loved one by wrapping them in their arms and holding them when their arms are 50, 100, a thousand miles away?

    Today's generations have it harder than those that came before us. Not because they didn't deal with distant relationship but because it has become more of a norm than an exception. With the advent of the Internet and social chat sites, online dating and a host of other avenues to meet people from miles and miles away, it only makes sense that more distant unions would and shall come about.

    As I said before, distant relationships are tough. Add to the mix the complexities of this thing we do and at times it feels overwhelming. How do I maintain my position of authority and head of household when I'm not actually in the household?

    Georgia and I are very new to DD. If you would have asked either of us if we could see ourselves in a relationship with this type of dynamic 5 years or even 1 year ago we would have probably looked at you as if you'd lost your mind (while thinking deep inside hmmmmm wonder how that would work).

    I've known Georgia pretty much all of my life. We met way back in kindergarten and although we didn't really grow up together we remained connected all those years (I believe there was some kind of secret ingredient in the gingerbread cookies she brought me for Christmas that year). We reconnected briefly a bit later in life. Somewhere in our early to mid-thirties around 2004 if I'm right. Then thanks to our feeble defenses against peer pressure we bumped into one another on Facebook. We began to talk and well one thing led to another and today we are here, traveling down the path of TTWD.

    Sorry to have traveled so far from the point of this post. Allow me to return now to my thoughts and questions.

    I've been struggling with how to practice (and learn) the ways of a HoH from a distance. I've established some rules for Georgia but I've allowed myself to use the distance as an excuse to not completely enforce them. I've been for lack of a better way to describe it wishy-washy.

    Recently reading several posts and comments about spanking I learned a bit from the receiver's point of view and their expectations. I've also learned a lot from reading a few posts from G herself. The one thing I've learned is that it's really about making G feel safe and loved and cared for. To fulfill her need for assistance in creating and defining structure, motivation, and consistency in her/our everyday life.

    I'm looking for advice from others that are in a distance DD relationship on ways to discipline and maintain an authoritative role when you aren't physically in the household. Spankings are obviously not an option while we are at a distance but I know there must be proven ways to exert my authority while we are apart and I wonder what other HoHs do.

    By the way my question isn't just to the Tops out there I welcome input from the Bottoms too.

~Scott

Saturday, August 28, 2010

A Warm Heart Could Lead to a Hot Ass

Georgia has one of the biggest hearts I've ever seen. She oozes with compassion, love, and is by nature a healer. These are admirable traits and I know I'm blessed to have her in my life.

We are very new to "this thing we do" and I'll have to admit I sometimes feel a little confused and a bit conflicted when dealing with heart versus mind issues. I know it is a natural conflict, this battle between heart and mind and often it is a fine line we walk in trying to do the right thing. Sometimes the mind gets the heart in trouble but I think more often than not the heart gets the mind (and possibly the ass) in trouble.

Georgia recently met a new friend. A single mother in need. Naturally, being the caring soul that she is, she wanted to help and set out to do just that. She agreed to babysit for her new friend. Her friend has an 8 year old daughter and Georgia's soon to be 4 year old daughter was excited to have a new playmate that wasn't her twin brother. According to Georgia the child is sweet and well behaved. Sitting for her doesn't seem to be a problem at least not when taken at face value. However when looking at the grand scheme of things the picture tends to blur a little.

The issue isn't the child but the mother. Now granted I'm about to judge someone that I don't know personally and that has never done anything to me but . . . but! from the little bit I've found out about her I have a very uncomfortable feeling for the situation. What follows are my observations and concerns.

  • The woman works evening hours. The little girl stays with Georgia from around 3:00pm until 10:30pm or later.
    • This disrupts an already precarious evening schedule for Georgia and the twins.
  • The woman seems somewhat unreliable to me at best.
    • Maybe I just have trust issues but something doesn't sit right with me about her.
  • I question the overall welfare of the child.
    • What kind of mother chooses a complete stranger to sit their child without doing and background research?
    • On either the first or second day of sitting Georgia had a dentist appointment. She asked her brother to sit with the children while she was out. She informed the mother of the situation and explained that the kids would be with her brother until she could finish with the dentist and return home. The mother didn't have any issue with these arrangements. Once again I ask what kind of mother would do this sort of thing?
    • Tonight the mother's schedule was supposed to be until 7:00pm. Tonight when she came to pick the child up she tried to get Georgia to go out with her and see if her brother would watch the kids when he got home from work (He gets home around 11:00pm). When Georgia said maybe some other time the woman asked her if she would keep the little girl while she went out. Georgia did . . .


All of this brings me to where I am tonight and the real point of this post, heart or mind? Georgia didn't get in any trouble for any of this other than missing her lights out curfew. However I was upset at the circumstances and the position she put herself into. I have several issues with all of this:
  • Georgia should have set well defined boundaries governing the following:
    • Drop off time. (Specific)
    • Pick up time. (Specific)
I personally believe she should not have agree to watch the little girl for her mom to go out and party. However with that said since she did agree she should have once again defined the boundaries:
  • Pick up time. (Specific)
  • Where the mother was going. (Specific)


As of midnight the little girl was still asleep on the sofa, Georgia had missed her curfew and I had a very uneasy feeling about the entire arrangement. I'm chalking this one up to a lesson in following one's heart. Georgia has a very large , loving, and compassionate heart. I know that all she saw was a child in need and not a selfish "mother" that seems to have a total disregard for her responsibilities as a parent. And for that I can accept a lack of judgement on her part. That said, I think I made it pretty clear to her that repeats wouldn't be handled so generously in the future. From now own I expect her to set boundaries and to be firm in holding to them. If not she will be in for more than just a reprimand and I'm not sure how much she'd enjoy feeling nausea as well as a stinging hot ass.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Firsts

We experienced our first discipline spanking over this past weekend. It will definitely take us a little while to adjust and find the right threshold on things but the more we move in this direction the better it feels for both of us.

We decided to start things off with a maintenance spanking. It involved having Georgia bend over my knees and my spanking her with my bare hand. It felt a bit too mechanical and more like going through the motions than anything else and I didn’t feel either of us got what we needed from it beyond just a sample of the mechanics involved. Afterwards G moved over to lay on the bed and I asked her what she needed from me. We talked about the overall feelings about it and decided to try another one to see if our discussion had helped us gain some insight on things. This time I had her bend over the foot of the bed. Although the results seem less mechanical this time we still could feel something was not quite what we expected. Part of the issue I thing is neither of us knowing exactly what we expect. It’s hard to put into words what exactly I expect because it is more of a feeling than a tangible thought. I’m not sure that makes sense.

Afterwards we spent the afternoon in bed talking, kissing, dreaming of the future and enjoying each others company. Georgia began to get a bit sassy at one point and started pushing on a nerve. As I look back at it now I realize that it was her attempt to see how far she could push and at what point I would either ignore her actions or step up and take actions of my own. I decided to take actions of my own. I told her to move to the end of the bed and she refused. I decided her laying across the bed naked and with her ass bare and exposed was a position that would suffice. I proceeded to give her what I would call a true disciplinary spanking. It was hard and lasted a while longer than either of the two attempted maintenance spankings. She was surprised at my actions and I suspect a bit stunned. Her ass was a bright red when I finished and she kept reaching back rubbing it as we discussed why she got the spanking. I made her decide to whether or not to commit to the spankings or not. Our agreement is to try them for no less than 8 months, at which time we will assess the results and determine if we are getting what we need from them.

I’ll be back with more updates . . .