Sunday, November 14, 2010

To Spank Or Not To Spank

"Never mistake the absence of a spanking as the absence of discipline." ~ Yours Truly
TTWD has and in some ways always will be a fragile dance between two very strong parts of me that are often polar opposites, that compassionate and somewhat docile man that is my nature and the powerful dominate man I truly wish to be in my heart. I tend to lean toward tolerance and compassion over stern discipline and strictness. Often I think this leads people to the conclusion that I am weak in my convictions lest they in some way suit my own needs. The truth is compassion takes far more self-strength and conviction than dominance any day. 

When Georgia gave me authority over her I accepted the responsibility for her well being as well as the family's. We agreed that I would be the ultimate authority, the HoH whenever there was a need for leadership and direction. This wasn't and isn't about power it is about trust. Her trusting me to always put her and our well being first. It is also about me trusting myself and my decisions and to not waiver in making them. I don't expect her to always understand my decisions nor do I expect her to simply follow blindly without a voice. I do expect her to respect our commitment to one another in TTWD. That commitment requires her to submit to my authority as long as it serves our overall well being an ultimate happiness.

In Georgia's recent blog entry Stupid Things I do, she talks about a recent unpleasant event that occurred this past Monday. While driving to pick up the kids from their weekend visit with their father she got a speeding ticket. She was very worried about how I would react to this. I could tell (like i can always tell) something was wrong when I heard her voice on the phone.

"What's wrong baby?", I asked concerned with her tone of voice. 
"I don't want to tell you.", she replied on the verge of tears.

Now my first thought is oh no what has she done. Well, simply because she wouldn't have said that had she not done anything. After a few moments of silence (this seems to work well with getting her to talk) she tells me that she got a speeding ticket. Ok I am a little upset because my first thought is of the financial impact but I quickly shake that off. What is done is done. No use crying over spilled milk as the saying goes. I ask her how many tickets she has gotten since beginning to drive. I believe one should get as many facts as possible before deciding on a course of action. Se tells me this is the second one ever. I'm thinking ok two tickets in all of her years of driving (note the tactful way I avoided giving away her age) does not indicate a disregard for the rules nor a reoccurring habit that needs to be squashed. I decide that the best approach to the situation at hand is to be compassionate and understanding. I reassure her that it isn't the end of the world and everything will be ok. We talk a few more minutes and once I think she is in a better place with things I let her go to finish her drive home. At this point one would think that the situation has been defused and the path to harmony is restored. That conclusion would be a bit less than accurate. In a later discussion Georgia came forth with additional facts about the events of the day. She tells me that the real reason she got the ticket was because she wasn't paying attention and was checking Facebook on her cell while driving. Now this particular fact changes the outcome quite a bit from the original situation. Am very upset at the newly disclosed facts. I an very serious about not texting/browsing/etc... while driving. I've warned her about this before and now there are consequences to pay for doing it again. She is just lucky that her actions only resulted in a ticket and not something far more serious like bodily injury or death. Now I'm faced with how to deal with the infraction. I prefer to cool down a little before making decisions of this sort. She asks me how upset I am on a 1 to 10 scale. I told her that I was probably an 8 at that point and later I'd most likely cool down to a 7 and end up a 6 by morning.

The following day while chatting she asked me if she would be getting a spanking over the event. I told her no, probably not. Her question and my comment were affected by assumptions on both our parts. I "ASS"umed she was talking about the ticket and she "ASS"umed I was talking about the entire incident. While reading her entry I realized the broken communication and informed her that I was only talking about the ticket and not about what we now refer to as DWF - 'Driving While Facebooking' . The DWF will be dealt with appropriately. I love Georgia with every fiber of my being and I trust that love and my own intuition to guide me without error to the right course of action. Spanking or no spanking well that is something I'm still working out.

After reading her blog entry I spent a good deal of time thinking about TTWD and more specifically my commitment as HoHuntrusting and leery. I'll definitely have more to say on trust in my next entry stay tuned . . . 

1 comment:

  1. Love your blog. Looking forward to more. It's good to hear things from an HOH's mindset!
    Tammy

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